Developer Mr. JJ Humus
Attorney Hardlee Ben True
Tuxedo, NC, 4/1/2024 (AP News Service) Speakers were blasting on the waterfront of Camp Mondamin today with the title tune from the film, “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly,” as reporters surrounded Mr. Humus and his lawyer, Mr. Hardlee Ben True, amidst a high dollar crowd of investors, including several Saudi princes behind the upstart LIV Golf Tour, their bisht cloaks ruffling in the “Rest Hour Breeze” off Lake Summit. Mr. Humus and his lawyer have not been seen at Lake Summit since the 1970’s and the collapse of the Rabbit Island Development Corporation, where Mr. Humus was charged with defrauding campers in an investment scheme to put up an 80 story resort tower on Rabbit Island with a summer long promotional tour based on the phrase: “The Big Sign on Rabbit Island is Coming Soon.” Parents at the camp complained that their younger sons were emptying their camp store accounts to buy scrip that offered them access to the tower when built, and Mr. Humus disappeared for years before reappearing in 2023, backed by the clout of the Saudi development corporation, which, interestingly had the same idea for their current LIV golf tour with different backers about the time Mr. Humus disappeared (see current Forbes magazine article).
But apparently Mr. Humus has been living near Lake Summit in an FBI safe house for witness protection all these years, and felt the time was right to return to speculative development ventures again.
Sipping from a glass containing his favorite drink, called “bug juice,” Mr. Humus announced confidently:
“This is going to be big. Really big. Disc Golf, like PickleBall (which Camp Mondamin has already installed on its upper tennis courts, with expansive views of the lake) is taking over the world and it’s time to reinvest in this great opportunity.
In the seventies we thought too small; we thought a million was a lot. But in this new economy, when people throw around billions, it’s time to put Mondo Shores on the map, with a place on the world tour, and a much easier way to launder, I mean handle, money with crypto currency.
Campers will be able to play Disc Golf on the new course around the camp, close to the Tom Fazio golf course at nearby Kenmure, but better, and they’re gonna tell their parents to invest, invest, invest, so they can live in the opulent cabins facing the lake and impress all their friends.”
But, when asked about what happened to the money in the 70’s gotten from campers’ store accounts, Mr. Humus was interrupted by his lawyer, Mr. True: “My client doesn’t need to answer that question.”
Rumors have surrounded the real identity of Mr. Humus and his lawyer, but hints live in the way he would leaven his humor with musical renditions at camp of 70’s hits, and Mr. True, his attorney, had contacts with the Eblen chain of gas stations before that relationship ended without explanation.
Disc Golf! Mondo Shores! Crypto! What could possibly go wrong? Canny parents should consider investing now. No fooling.
